Forgive Me, Lily
by MissHayleeBlack
Summary: Petunia and Vernon know about Harry's inheritance. This causes many changes to the time line. Follow Petunia's thoughts and emotions as she loses her sister, raises Harry, and learned to regret her deceitful nature. One-shot!


**A/N: Thank you stonegnome1 for requesting this! This was originally in my requests collection, but I got rid of that because I couldn't handle the commitment of timely requests. I was proud of this one, so I'm reposting it as it's own one-shot.**

Idea: _"__Lily brags to Petunia about marrying a hansome wealthy lord. It seems like a natural thing for a young woman to do. This would mean the Durlseys would know Harry had or would have money at some point. How would this influence how they treated Harry and how he developed. Would this please Dumbles or mess up his plans?"_

Perspective of Petunia Dursley nee Evans

My sister was always the blessed one – our parents fawned over her. She had beautiful, full red hair and brilliant green eyes while I was left with limp and lifeless blonde hair and dull, pale blue eyes. She never once got acne while even at the age of forty-two I can still see the acne scars. Then she had to go and be kind and smart and talented. That was supposed to be _me_! _I'm_ the older sister. _I _ should be the one she looks up to. _No._

Then she met that Snape boy. He told her she was a witch, of all the ridiculous things. No matter how rude and mean he was to me, Lily still befriended him – letting him fill her head with fantasies. The worst came when she turned eleven and some freak appeared out of thin air to confirm those stupid fantasies. Why did they have to take away my sister? There are plenty of people in the world – why Lily? Why not me? After all these years of me looking out for her, she ran off to Pigpimples, or whatever it's called. Then she had the audacity to write bragging about magic and her popularity. I'll never admit that her letters made me cry until the day I started burning them without reading them.

I still loved her though. She was my sister and I wouldn't let simple jealousy get in the way. As I grew up I realized she hadn't meant to brag; she had only been excited and a little home sick too. She was still at that Swineblemish place when I met Vernon. I fell in love with him. He liked to buy me things and treated me better than any of my previous boyfriends. Honestly, I began resenting Lily the moment she came home from her sixth year at that place.

She was always singing and dancing around with a big grin on her face. That stupid owl was coming and going every day, usually coming with flowers or trinkets and always a love letter of some sort.

One night, she came into my room with that same grin on her face. She was holding a letter. She sashayed over to my bed and jumped on it, letting out a big sigh. I looked up from my school work with a small smile. At this point, I was happy and all too curious about who had my serious, calm sister so head over heels.

"Something you'd like to tell me?" I asked her. Lily sat up a little straighter and beamed.

"Oh, Tuney! He's wonderful – my boyfriend, James. James and Lily Potter!" Lily giggled. "It has a nice ring to it, doesn't it."

"Yeah, I guess it sounds nice. Are you two this serious?" I asked with concern. She was hardly seventeen. Why would she be rushing into marriage so young. It was true Vernon had already proposed to her, but she was in college. Things were different.

"I guess... I mean he hasn't proposed, but secretly I sorta hope he does. Tuney, he's so wonderful to me. I hardly know what he'd do if he didn't have his family's fortune. I tell him he doesn't need to buy me anything, but I swear the diamond necklace he got me for Christmas was worth the average auror's yearly salary."

_Aurors? _I remember thinking with confusion. Still, I knew anyone's salary was more money than a teenage boy should be able to afford. That's when I figured out that her new boyfriend was extremely wealthy. Honestly, I was a bit jealous, but I love Vernon and wouldn't trade him for all the James Potters in the world.

"Oh." I nodded. That's when she first showed me the necklace. It was beautiful and intricate. It looked hand crafted and centuries old. "Oh, wow. How old is this thing?" I asked in awe.

"He told me it's been in his family for centuries," Lily beamed. "I can't believe he gave it to me."

I stared at my sister with shock. Before I could open my mouth, she started talking again.

"He's too good to be true. He's so hansom and kind and brave," Lily sighed again. "He's my knight in shining armor. Look what he sent me? I didn't even know how he got a picture of it!" The redhead practically shoved the picture in my face. Dancing around without a care was my sister and an extremely hansom boy.

"I'm happy for you," I said with a strain voice. Honestly, I was jealous. Truly, my sister had found a wonderful boyfriend. I had thought Vernon was a good catch... apparently there Lily went one-upping me.

When she wrote to me telling her around her Harry, I expected to finally have the upper hand. I was older when my Dudley-kinz was born, therefore I should be better prepared. I cursed aloud when I saw the pictures of baby Harry. My Dudley was a beautiful baby, but even I knew Harry was much cuter. Then she had to go on about how Harry always sleeps through the night and is so affectionate and quiet.

I never thought I would know Harry, until he showed up on my doorstep one morning. A million options ran through my head. Firstly, I knew I couldn't allow him to run off with those freaks like Lily did. Those freaks are the reason my sister is dead, and I wouldn't let that happen to this beautiful boy.

But... Vernon had ideas other than protecting him. I loved Vernon – still do –, but what he proposed was just devious. He suggested we raise Harry as our own, making him feel indebted to us. To let him go off to the magical school and get himself killed like my sister, leaving all his money to us. I was young and in love and greedy when I agreed to it. I wish every day I could take it back. I'm sorry Lily. I'm so sorry.

I only began feeling guilty when Dumbledore wrote to me, thanking us for raising Harry so well and kindly. Oh god, Lily, will you ever be able to forgive me?

"All according to plan," Vernon had said victoriously.

Every time Harry would come back for summer holiday, he'd get the same familiar treatment and love. Vernon would sometimes sit down muttering about how finances were tight. I could see the sadness in Harry's eyes. How much like Lily he truly is? He didn't think we knew about his gold. We knew all too well. I'm sorry, Harry.

When Harry turned sixteen, he came to us and proposed he start pulling a bit of extra weight around the house. Vernon pretended to wave off his concern, telling him to be a teenager. Harry truly was like Lily. He demanded to be able to help out, giving a large speal about his inheritance. Vernon thanked him with misty eyes.

I felt sick to my stomach. I'm a horrible person. This is Lily's son. But I was greedy and remained silent. Harry, dear, I'm sorry you thought the tears in my eyes were ones of gratitude. I'm greedy and selfish and I don't deserve your concern.

That concern. Just days ago Harry told us we had to go into hiding because of the Wizard war. He told us he loved us and he'll try to come back. Later that night Vernon was practically singing, hoping Harry would die on the battlefield.

We're leaving at the moment. Vernon and Dudley are waiting on me. I'm sobbing into Harry's chest, hugging him tightly. I'm sorry, Harry. You'll never know the horrible person I am. Be safe, Harry. Be safe. I've failed you. I've failed Lily. You deserve better than this. You deserved honesty. If I could go back, I'd take it all back. I'd never tell Vernon about James. I'd never agree to this stupid plan.

"I'm sorry, Harry," I mumbled into his shirt.

"Aunt Petunia, I'll will be fine, I promise," He tried to assure me with that charming smile of his. All I could do was sob more. Forgive me, Harry.

**A/N: Read. Review. Recycle.**


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